No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize