wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
