Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
