i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Porn is love you can see.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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