remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
