Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
