Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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