I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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