i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
