the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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