Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
