the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
In America we eat man semen.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
