So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.