so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila