Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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