: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.