I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.