I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
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You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy