Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sarcasm needs its own font
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.