you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?