Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
