the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here