Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hello my rib-scented angel!