I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...