If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.