I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.