from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize