let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
