I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
