Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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