If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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