if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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