Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize