She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
