It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
