Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
