I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying