I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.