she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????