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We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize