just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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