Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize