So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
