i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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