Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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