I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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