I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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