peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
