As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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