: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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