dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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