I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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