hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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