OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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