good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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