My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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