you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
