No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
