So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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