Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
