Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
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When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Two words: nipple clamps
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