he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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