I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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